Feb. 7th, 2008

tania: (Default)
Aww, apparently there was an exciting storm today, which Kelly and I managed to entirely miss because we were at the School of Hairdressing in Queen Street Mall getting TEN DOLLAR STYLE CUTS! My hair is back to short-and-spunky Melbourne mode now, which I like, but looks kind of crappy at this precise instant because it got rained on when we walked home, and sweated in when I walked to work tonight.

Kelly's haircut looks fabulous, which is no surprise as her previous haircut was done by [livejournal.com profile] hammond. No offense, Hammy. We love you, but not for your haircut skillz. She's going back tomorrow to get streaks put in but is hesitant to go the red-and-gold route that I took because, in her words, "It'd be a little bit 'Single White Female'..." And then she made a crack about murdering my bunny.

Which brings me to grouse that, as usual, Queensland is the one Aussie state where you CAN'T own rabbits (or ferrets!) but I shall live vicariously through the lovely Liz C / [livejournal.com profile] niaid, who is going to take advantage of her relocation to Canberra to BUNNY UP!

Kels and I enquired about tattoos at Wild At Heart and it turns out the first available appointments are in mid-March. Joe's going to have his done at the same time as mine and Kelly can join us as long as we book soonish so she can plan to take the day off. Hammond wants another tattoo as well, hopefully he can join us in March. We can make a day of it. A day of PAIN.

Joe and I cooked dinner together again tonight... As a longtime sufferer of cooking apathy, I'm surprised to find I've had a way nicer time being broke and cooking with him all week than I usually have getting takeout. Not to mention cooking at home is THE only reason I'm surviving this week. Leeeetle bit broke. On the upside, I appear to have paid off one of my debts. After dinner I caught another hour of sleep while Joe read.

I have a date tomorrow night, and the Californication marathon Friday night... I'm looking forward to the marathon more than the date! Within me dwells an enormous introvert who must be restrained from a lifetime spent wrapped in blankets and books.

EDIT 1: Note to self - download and burn stuff for Viv.

EDIT 2: BEST HOUSE SPOILER EVER!!! Bahaahaa! Okay, I can think of one I'd like better, but this one was a bigger surprise. Thank you, TelevisionWithoutPity.com.

EDIT 3: It's a quiet night at work, I judged the new Obernewtyn book too bloody enormous to bring along on my walk, and I'm running out of internets... :O

EDIT 4: Awww, Viv / [livejournal.com profile] scoutlostthewar just gave me hot lemon tea and a slice of watermelon. I've probably already mentioned how awesome it is to work with friends, but it's worth mentioning again: awesome! <3

Dating

Feb. 7th, 2008 10:36 am
tania: (Tania: Angry Boobs)
Can't do it.

I Have Decided. See the foot? The foot is coming down. The foot has connected with the floor. People, I have put my foot down.

Every time I arrange a date I wind up looking for any excuse possible to get out of it. Meeting a friend or acquaintance for coffee, even if they are of the opposite sex, is fine - I already know them, we have common ground, but most importantly we are not there for the purposes of judging one another's suitability for a relationship. This is the part that makes my skin crawl. And although I'm good at acting bubbly and cheerful and natural when on a formal date, my stomach is like iron. And I don't relax until it's over.

It's not that I can't handle feeling judged. I don't mind at all; I think I polish up reasonably well. I'm smart, make good conversation, make jokes (not necessarily funny ones) and can generally work out how to skim around or fill up those awkward silences. Nay, my dear readership, the problem is the opposite: I don't like the idea of making a judgment call on someone else so quickly.

This is not a moral concern. It's an empathetic one. I've had the experience of going on a couple of dates with someone who I am mildly interested in, and watching that person become very interested in me. I'm not good at rejecting people, especially the nice ones, and I really, really don't like doing it. I don't like to disappoint people.

So why do I keep doing something I never enjoy? I'm not into masochism. Submission, a little, yeah... but that's a topic for another entry. :D

Guys have told me again and again that they prefer meeting one-on-one rather than coming along to a group gathering, but I'm not going to go out of my way to accommodate anyone else's antisocial tendancies anymore, not when I've spent so long battling my own. My friends and I are a package deal. Bros before hos, man!

I prefer to meet new people in a (smallish) group setting, where a new person can sit back and watch the interplay between established members of the group and get a sense of everyone before they leap in themselves. To me this is less confronting than a one on one scenario, wherein you're forced to leap on in whether you like it or not (the alternative being a rude exit or a date riddled with excruciating silences) - and I can attest from at least one uncomfortable dating experience that in the field of human interaction there are few things worse than coming to the slow realization, halfway through a date, that you have nothing in common with the person you're talking to, you're a little bored by them, and that it's all downhill from here.

So what right do I have to impose my comfort zone on you, my prospective male partner, from day one? Well, I don't see it as a control thing, I see it as a practicality. If I've got to do something I don't enjoy to keep you comfortable from the first date, that's proof positive that we're not compatible to start with (this applies in reverse, too.) Therefore, me bending over backwards to date because it's what you're comfortable with or because it's the socially acceptable way of meeting a partner is really just another way of setting myself up for wonky, ill-matched relationships from the start.

I like my relationships to grow organically. I met Rob through online dating, but every other man I've ever dated or had any kind of emotional relationship or friendship with, I've met and continued to meet through friends or circumstance. Naturally. Organically. Our lives just happened to flow together at that point in time and there was no need to force anything.

In conclusion: dating isn't working for me; dating is out.
tania: (Cats - Sawyer: Oh Noes!)
I think my computer 'threw a hard drive' or something. It doesn't want to start and is demanding the Windows disc. Meh. I'm not remotely upset - there's nothing on there anymore that I can't bear to lose; art-wise most of my stuff is hardcopy or already complete and on the web; writing-wise my stuff is on the laptop and stored here and there online.

It feels weird to know my computer may be dead and to not be upset though. This means I must have had some massive priority shift at some point over the last couple of years. At coffee night someone asked the old question: "If there was a house fire and you could only save one thing, what would it be?" I answered 'my cats', of course (conveniently bundling them into one item) and when told that the cats had escaped unharmed without my help and I had to pick a posession, I absolutely couldn't think of anything.

The only jewellery I care about is always on me. Books and movies and electronics are replaceable. I suppose I'd have to grab the photos, but even then... I'm more keen on the experiences I'm having and am going to have than the ones I've had. Anyway, most of the important memories of my adult life are recorded in this journal, safe and sound from housefires. Um, I hope. *eyes LiveJournal nervously*

Joe made chocolates for us this afternoon, and I made pesto pasta for dinner, then we curled up on the couch, ran YouTube through the big TV and, using the filmography in 'Chuck Amuck' and my fangirly knowlege of classic Chuck Jones Looney Tunes cartoons as a guide, watched some of the finest animated shorts ever made, including:

- 'Ali Baba Bugs' ("Down, down down! Mine! Mine! Mine!")
- The 'Duck Season, Wabbit Season' trilogy of shorts ("Pronoun trouble.")
- 'Bully for Bugs'

That last short is what happens when one of the most brilliant creative teams in animation history is expressly forbidden by their boss to make a short about bullfighting. They subsequently sneakily make it in their spare time (in part by doing a rush job on one of their official projects in order to free up more time) and their Forbidden Bullfight Short goes on to win an Academy Award, making their boss look like a serious douchebag. Hee.

Re the dating entry: You guys are right, dragging a stranger into a group of friends as a quasi-date is Not Nice, but that's not what I intended to do: I intended to meet people through friends, without being on the lookout for a potential love interest, if that makes sense. I don't want to go hunting for a relationship. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't particularly want to date at all, I just want to let things unfold as they will. And if some dude is determined enough to get my attention, I hope he's willing to get to know me slowly and steadily as a friend, among friends.

Am currently reading Kim's copy of 'Penny Arcade: Attack of the Bacon Robots!' Brilliant commentary. I can't get enough of the writing. The art leaves a bit to be desired at this point but since we're all familiar with the sheer AWESOME that it evolves into, it's sure forgivable!

Roz is sending me a copy of an apparently excerable furry novel involving taurs and incest on the sole condition that I write a (presumably scathing) review here on LiveJournal. This should be fun. I intend to force it on all my friends and get their mini-reviews too. It'll be like the time we read that awful Anne Rice sex novel. Or the time we all taste-tested that weird basil seed drink.

It's That Time Of The Month but aside from being more tired than usual, a little noise-sensitive, a little hurty in the abdomen and frequently lightheaded, I'm not experiencing symptoms anywhere near as severe as usual; even my emotions are surprisingly even! I put this down to the basic sense of wellbeing that I've only really settled into in the past month or so.

Also, I may have already mentioned that on here before. The main effect of my Cicadian sleep cycle is that I've been forgetting conversations really easily. Now I start most conversations with a disclaimer: "I've probably already said this to you at least once, but..."

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Tania Walker

August 2008

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