tania: (CD - Tanipus: SQUEE!)
Clawing my way out of sadness tonight has been vastly aided by Kim giving my my SECOND coffee ever (oh noes, it has begun), and by our AFK Cafe coffee night, and because I got an early Christmas present - a brand new phone! Hammond, Adders, Susan, Diz and Joe chipped in to get it for me... I think this was done before Joe and I stopped communicating so that aspect is actually kind of awkward (and if I seemed slightly confused tonight, guys, that's why).

But let's focus on the good here. I have a phone. It plays music. It is slimline. It has metal rather than just plastic. It feels nice and heavy. It has a camera to take cool pictures with. It plays MP3 ringtones. It has pics and wallpapers and stuff. It has a colour screen. The "before and after" of my old phone vs my new phone is pretty hilarious, I'll have to take a picture soon.

Also, I have very good friends who did something incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and every time I look at the phone, that's what I'll remember... So it's an extra-special phone. :)

More good news: We officially have a new flatmate. Everyone, meet [livejournal.com profile] kellycurious, the newest addition to Bond Street. She's renting the larger, airconned room and starts moving her stuff in on Friday, and should be all moved in by about Tuesday or Wednesday next week. Sometime this week I need to move the filing cabinet and corner cabinet out of the room, and shift the spare wardrobe back in there for her.

Bad news: I have to go to the hospital tomorrow morning to have something unpleasant done, which is good from the perspective that once it's done I'm back to full health, but bad from the perspective that in my silly troubled state today I only managed two hours of sleep... so by the time I sit through hours in the waiting room at the Mater public hospital, get the proceedure done and get home, I'll have been going for 48 hours on roughly 2 hours sleep. I'm neither sleeping nor eating properly but I figure I can afford to lose a few pounds. Stop me when I start looking haggard, guys. And don't worry about me... wearing myself out is helping me a lot. It feels good to be tired.

Life is certainly an adventure right now. I don't know what's going to happen next. I mean, nobody ever does, but I'm feeling it keenly right now.

Someone asked me about skydiving the other night, what it was like, and remembering it gave me cravings to do it again. I'll add that to the 'expensive luxuries' list and perhaps go for it when my debts are paid. Treat yourself: throw yourself out of a plane!
tania: (Tania: Happy / Summer)
It's Saturday night, and therefore the first "day" of my weekend. The only problem is that unless you make plans ahead of time, which I foolishly didn't, what do you DO when you're alone on a Saturday night? I'm too late for the cinemas, except perhaps for certain cinemas screening movies of a very plot-deficient nature, but that idea is bunk - I don't own a raincoat! I'm not much for going out for drinks and dancing alone and I don't do the picking up strangers thing. I'd probably settle in for a movie marathon, except the explosions that are rattling the house right now suggest that Chris and Jess are very wrapped up in Halo 3, and I do not yet have my own AV setup in my room.

I think I'm going to go get an early "lunch", read the rest of 'The Science Of Discworld II' (I'm possibly loving this one more than any other Pratchett book since 'Going Postal'), tie up a few accounting loose ends for Chris and then... I'll work it out as I go. By then Chris and Jess may be in bed so I'll have that glorious big-screen TV all to myself - and I have two new 'Dexter' episodes to watch!

Ooh! I know what I'll do! I'll start making Christmas presents! This will be fun...

Introspective rambling follows. Like a lot of my introspective rambling, it's true as I write it, but doesn't preclude me having small relapses into a previous state of mind at some point either.

Getting this job was the smartest thing I've done in a long time. My life feels full now. I have purpose and use. It makes me appreciate the time I have left to myself.

I don't feel that gaping hole where Joe once was anymore. It has been filled by a handful of close, supportive friends (I won't name names as I'm sure they know who they are), each contributing a little love and attention which, all added together, gives me more love than I had when I was in a "romance". This is new for me - I've never had truly close friends before. I've never needed them. Historically I've placed myself in a position of advice-giving to friends while not necessarily letting them return the favour, and that was a subtle but sure way of keeping distance in those relationships.

And I used this journal as an outlet when I wanted advice. Typed words on a screen are the most effective mask there is.

It was an easy thing to get away with, as I didn't need true closeness in my friendships - my partner has always been best friend and confidante too, the metaphorical basket for all my eggs. ;P I'm beginning to realise that focusing so exclusively on a single person for all my needs may have been a mistake.

That brings us to whatever-it-is that's taking place now. I see my friends more and talk with them more, still with hesitation now and then, but less of that as time goes by. I still don't get sex out of the deal, sure. But I think I love and am loved by enough people now that there's not room in me to contain it all.

Joey found freedom and sex, but I think maybe what I've found is freedom and love.

Har har har

Dec. 8th, 2007 06:09 am
tania: (Angry Beavers: Norbert)
And we are reaching the end of Friday Night Shift.

4.50am. I played with my magnetic poetry application on Facebook, with predictably Freudian results. Then I watched the sun come up, and felt at peace in that moment.

6.09am. Kim is asleep on the floor with his jacket over his head. Co-worker Andrea and I both have photos.

<3

Dec. 8th, 2007 02:39 am
tania: (CD - Zakiya: Party Time!)


From left to right: [livejournal.com profile] aibo (all the way from Germany!), [livejournal.com profile] jaywesley, [livejournal.com profile] sigmoidal_suseq, [livejournal.com profile] dizzay, [livejournal.com profile] hammond and me, chillin' at Pancake Manor!
tania: (Default)
An uneventful night flight got me home from Melbourne on Sunday night. I was the sole passenger on the coach from the airport to West End, and the driver kindly dropped me off at my door. The driver, by the way, was a psychic therapist, because this is the sort of thing that always happens to me. He said he believes everyone you meet, you meet for a reason. He's the second person to say that to me within a week, but the first was trying to get in my pants.

This guy was interesting... he had a lot to say about relationships that applied to things I've been thinking about, and he said it all unprompted. There was so much personal meaning for me in so many of the things he said that I felt my throat close up a few times, and could only nod. Could there be something to this whole psychic thing? In the immortal words of Hammond: Who can say?

At home, Kim and Stan and I sat on the futon on the verandah at midnight with cigars, scotch and dark chocolate. It was heaven... it felt really, really good to be back home with the people I care about. Stan, who was on his fiftieth beer or so, said it was really good to see me, especially my hair. Kim agreed on the hair point. Apparently my new hair makes my mouth look hot... who knew? I like that I can see my upper back and neck now. This has always struck me as being an incredibly sexy place, both visually and sensually - kiss me there, bite me there, and I'm yours - it's also where I plan to get a tattoo.

Oh, and I finally decided on a tattoo design... it leaped into my head on the flight from Sydney to Melbourne, an idea complex but completely formed and I knew without a doubt it was the right thing. The best part of it is that in a way, it will change as I do... It's very narrative, a little technical, symbolic and meaningful, and very "me". When I've put together the full design in Illustrator I'll do a photo mockup of what it'll look like on me, and upload it here.

As for the hair, I know I promised photos, gimme a break. I've done nothing but sleep and marathon Boston Legal with Kim since I got back. And for all the awesome fun I had in Melbourne, I've been happier in the past 24 hours than I was down there. The point is, when I cease being comatose tomorrow, I'll find the photos and upload them.

In St Kilda, as I walked down the footpath in a black cotton slip dress that tied around the waist, a car went by and a dark-haired, dark-eyed boy leaned out the back window and called, "You're beautiful," and was swept away before I could think how to react.

This morning I put tinfoil on my bedroom window so I can sleep during the day.

Coffee night on Tuesday, and a little dinner party on Wednesday. I can't wait! There is a very tall German man staying at our place for a few days from Wednesday onwards; some of you may know him as [livejournal.com profile] aibo. He's full of cute observations about Australia that make me look at the place with fresh eyes.

I won't be going to New Zealand this year... I will get a nice fat refund for my tickets. Why go now, when I can barely afford it? Why go now, when there's no reason to run away from what I have here?

Choosing not to associate with Joey anymore was the right thing to do. I don't hate him. I just think we'll both breathe easier without the other around.

Currently I'm at work, and I'm dealing with tickets. Hooray, I'm capable of being slightly productive! They still haven't let me do anything more than observe the customer service chats. This is completely fine by me, I'm terrified of breaking something.

All my adult years have been either about career, or relationships, or both. 2008 is going to be an interesting change of pace. I think this year is going to be about friendship and about me. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love cigars and scotch in a way that is very inappropriate for someone of my gender, build, and social standing.
tania: (Default)
I have short hair. It has streaks of red and gold. And I did not pay a CENT for it. So happy! :D

Viv and I played classy ladies today with a long session in the salon followed by cocktails. The free cuts & color came from a hair model offer - basically, we were practice for the staff but we got to choose the cuts we wanted and we both got spoiled rotten, so it's pretty much the sweetest deal ever.

Tonight: Roy is taking me to dinner at a Japanese place and then Viv is dragging me along to... something with lots of loud music, as far as I can gather. I'm doing pretty well... I have my moments, but they don't cut too deep and they pass quickly enough. :)

Photos tomorrow, I promise!
tania: (Cats - Sawyer: OMGYEY!)
I love Viv and Ruby and Roy and the Rooftop Bar and that other bar and I'm even quite partial to that other other bar! I have about a million photos, none of which I can upload 'til I get home to my trusty card reader. Also, somehow I spent last night surrounded by Queenslanders, despite being in another state. Over half the people I was introduced to were either down from QLD on holiday or moved down here from QLD within the last few years. The Brisbane Effect reaches far and wide.

I spent the night at Roy's and then we spent the morning watching Firefly and unwinding from the awesomeness of last night. Unwinding is very necessary, as we're going to do it all again tonight in an all-new set of bars.

I'm so tired, but it's a GOOD tired.

As for the other thing, I'm much better today. I didn't go out planning to talk about it (actually, I planned the opposite) but they dragged a little out of me, and today everything seems almost normal again. Mum said a clean break is healthier than multiple fractures... so many people have said the same thing in so many different ways that I feel stupid for having tortured myself this long, leaving myself open to be hurt over and over again. I would have had to have been superhuman to let go of my feelings for someone I was still friends with and still seeing all the time. Everyone was right... I've got to start taking care of myself.

I keep seeing presents for Joe and things Joe would like, and until yesterday it hadn't sunk in just how much I was doing that. I see more Joe-centric things than I see me-centric things. It's like I let my personality slide away into some dark recess to make room for his. No more... I've got to either find myself or, if that's impossible, rebuild, and I can't do that while always thinking about Joe and what he would like and what he wants and how to maintain a friendship.

I'm going to watch more Firefly and chill until tonight's festivities. :)

[EDIT] My favourite of the pro photos from Rachel's wedding:







I've jumped out of planes, achieved my life's dream of working for Disney, climbed mountains, watched eclipses, birthed kittens and chickens and lambs, aced tests, loved with everything in me and done everything I've ever really put my mind to. But Rach has experienced something here I never have - to love someone and be loved so completely in return, with a conviction so strong that both people stake their life on it - and I hope to experience that someday myself. In the meantime, it was a privelidge to watch.
tania: (Tania: Happy / Summer)
I have an iiiinterview tomorrow! :D Kim handed my resume to his boss this morning; his boss called me this afternoon. He seemed very interested on the phone and I'm proud of how smoothly I handled the subsequent conversation - my phone phobia vanishes completely when I'm put into a professional situation. Interview is set for 9:30am.

I'm excited! Now that Interrobang is set up and running merrily on it's little systems there's not been much for me to do around here, so having a different job will let me poke my head in on the biz one or two days per week, do the bookkeeping, bill paying and any incidental graphic design needed, and halve my own pay - that way, the business will be able to pay it's bills quicker, and I won't starve because I'll have another job paying mine!

This is assuming I don't screw up tomorrow of course, but if there's one thing I'm confident of, it's that I can make a good impression at a job interview. I've bloody well had enough practice.

SPEAKING OF INTERROBANG: We've marked all our prices way, way down. This came from a decision to sell at wholesale price to everyone, public included. Our profit margins have been severely sliced but considering the age of the market interested in our sort of designs, we've got to try to keep our prices low. Besides, our primary income is still from CAD and custom work, so we can afford to do this as an experiment.

http://www.interrobang.com.au - Hammond, Adders, Rose, et al - if you wanted to buy those pendants, now is the time. We have multiples of each in stock right now. :) You don't have to put your order through the website; given that you're all locals, dropping by and paying cash is the best option for everyone.

Other good things: I have been losing weight... but not out of depression, just out of eating well. I somehow managed to continue the weight loss even after being given a large box of Fererro Rocher chocolates. I will tell you this: one of my greatest diet secrets is the ability to share my snacks with others.

I feel happy and hopeful for the future again, for reals. I know there will still be moments when I'm sad, but it's at an acceptable level now and I feel like I'm really heading somewhere. It's not where I thought I'd be going, but I think maybe this journey will turn out to be even better than the one I left behind.

It has been seven and a half weeks since Joe and I broke up, and only for the last two and a half of those was it official. I believe I can safely say I'm more mentally stable than I gave myself credit for... I didn't expect to start feeling this much better this quickly. With that small hike in confidence, my standards over what makes a good partner and what makes a good lifestyle have both stepped up a notch. (No offense, Joey, when you finally get back from Toowoomba and read this! You know I think you're awesome, I'm referring only to compatibility levels here.)

My sex drive has kicked back in... so yeah, that's pretty inconvenient, but the absence had begun to worry me, so overall I'm happy!

On Sunday I'm going fishing with my doctor friend. He told me to choose the date and given that we'd had a conversation about fishing and how awful I've been at it in the past, and that he claimed he could have me reeling in a fish in a single session with him, my curiosity was piqued. And I do love being up on the Coast, on and around the water. So I mentioned the hire boats on Maroochy river to him, and BAM! Just like that, he hired one for Sunday. He is also going to organise all meals and even offered to pick me up FROM BRISBANE, which is an hour drive each way, and which I refused. I shall take a train to the coast. Nobody tries to spoil ME rotten and gets away with it...

He will probably turn out to be the Ice Truck Killer (in-joke for 'Dexter' fans there.)

Joe and I are SMSing one another a few times a day, friendly-like. We still have our moments of AARGH, which is to be expected, but they are less frequent and always signify progress. All in all we're doing great. We hope to return to the best-friends dealie we used to have, and hopefully it will be an even better friendship this time around, what with us getting over all that Unresolved Sexual Tension crap. ;)

I got my passport in the mail yesterday. I HAVE A PASSPORT. Immediately checked out prices to Vanuatu (SO freaking cheap if booked ahead) and information on seven-day hiking tours to active volcanoes on the islands, but sternly reminded myself that I already have a great deal of travel planned and should not overshoot my bounds.

The final, and best, thing that happened today: walking home from the supermarket in West End, I passed a man carrying groceries with his large brown dog walking by his side... carrying a bag of groceries in it's mouth. It wasn't on a leash or anything, just moseying along beside this guy WITH A BAG OF GROCERIES. I almost wept for joy and in frustration at not having a camera handy. Hammond, you're absolutely right, I need to get a new phone. I'd get one for myself as a Christmas present (from me, to me!) but all my Xmas money this year is going towards New Zealand. I'll think of something though! I shall have my camera phone and then none of you will be spared the bizarre sights I'm confronted with on a weekly basis!

That reminds me: my doctor friend arrived in West End early to pick me up the other night, and rather than come and hang around in front of my house, he wandered around West End and checked the area out. Now, he has only recently moved to Australia and doesn't know Brisbane at all. Nobody warned him about West End, a.k.a. "The Hippie Precinct". Nevertheless, when he came across a women in dreadlocks and a hippie skirt standing in the middle of the footpath, arms in the air as she sang and spoke to the sky, he learned all he will ever need to know.
tania: (Futurama: Professor: Scheming)
Just now have I recalled that in the heights of tipsiness at the Vaudeville party the other night, the fiend ([livejournal.com profile] turner23) and I had a conversation about Avenue Q and Wicked, both Broadway shows I want to see.

AMERICANS ON MY TRAVEL ROSTER PLEASE NOTE: I am not leaving your country without attending a performance of BOTH of these shows.

It also occurred to me today that because my Facebook page shows only snippets of my life and conversations, it makes me look like a very strange person indeed.

It looks like my new friend and I might be going fishing up on the Sunshine Coast this weekend. I told him I've never caught a decent-sized fish in my life. He's bet me I will absolutely and for certain catch a fish if I go fishing with him. Will his fishing prowess beat my innate fishing lameness? Who can say?

"Who can say?" is something Hammond inserts onto the end of short rambles now and then, and I can't get it out of my head. :D

Adders, Diz, myself and possibly others will be having a Californication marathon, possibly on a Friday night, possibly soon.

Garage sale this Saturday, my place! I'm selling heaps of stuff SERIOUSLY cheap, the idea being to clear out space rather than make money.

"Defenestrate" is both my new favourite word and my new favourite threat. Look it up. I've been using it at least three times a day since I found it.

This may be the first genuinely happy entry I've written in a month. You can tell by all the random, disconnected sentences.
tania: (Cats: Techno!)
A small picspam from Dreamworld:




Hammond and I on the Angry Beavers Spooty Spin ride. I feel this image is LJ icon worthy.


The boys insisted on going to the Big Brother house and sitting on stuff.


The log ride! Someone was snoozing over his cigarette and didn't get a snap of us getting drenched. :D


Peacock! It wouldn't let me pet it. Note I'm still soaked.


The AVIS old-style car ride is an embarrassment, but so are we.


The kangaroo in the background is all, "Hey! That's my BOYFRIEND you BITCH!"


Posing with the koala thing was Adders' idea, I just went along with it so he wouldn't look like a loser. Isn't he cute?


"Tania, that's a donations box, not a ride..."


More photos on Adders' Facebook, including pics of CURLEWS (the Best Birds Ever), here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025625&id=218700543

Also, have a random photo from the set of Indiana Jones 4. They got back the original actress to play Marion (one of the best female characters ever) and she looks FANTASTIC. Harrison, you fail at ageing, she wins.

tania: (CD - Zakiya: Bounce)
This is why everyone woke up this morning almost unable to move up and down the staircase. Oooowwwwwww.

Totally worth it, though. Spend a day jumping! You'll never feel so alive! ;)

These photos were taken by me, Susan and Bingo with Susan's camera.

VIDEO: (Click here, 40 kb) Me falling off a pole. I've got to get someone who knows what they're doing to make this into a Livejournal icon.

VIDEO (Click here, 236 kb): Joe jumping off the same pole. This was meant to be a photo, not a video, so really it's kind of noteable for the fact that I sound like a complete git on the soundtrack when I realise what's going on.



Tania SMASH!!
Tania SMASH!!



Jumping photos ahoy! )

FACE!
FACE!


tania: (Angry Beavers: Norbert)
I've had people asking about how the Zombie Walk went. The sheer amount of awesomeness encompassed within the Walk (and the sheer amount of incredible photos I've gathered from various snap-happy folks since then) will require an LJ entry that will take hours to put together, and tonight I need to spend those hours doing Crikey Duck.

So instead, here's a few teaser pics to whet your appetite... for BRAAAAAIIINSSSS!


Holy Zombies, Batman!
Holy Zombies, Batman!
The zombies mass in Roma Street Parklands.

Where's Rover?
Where's Rover?
Spot the Zombie Dog.

BRAAAIIINSSSS
BRAAAIIINSSSS
If I had any 'brrraaainnnsss' I'd go through the gate three feet away.

Call my chiropractor!
Call my chiropractor!
Joe's having back problems.

OMFG LOLZ!
OMFG LOLZ!
Oh my god! I killed Joe! ....wait.


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Tania Walker

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