tania: (Default)
An uneventful night flight got me home from Melbourne on Sunday night. I was the sole passenger on the coach from the airport to West End, and the driver kindly dropped me off at my door. The driver, by the way, was a psychic therapist, because this is the sort of thing that always happens to me. He said he believes everyone you meet, you meet for a reason. He's the second person to say that to me within a week, but the first was trying to get in my pants.

This guy was interesting... he had a lot to say about relationships that applied to things I've been thinking about, and he said it all unprompted. There was so much personal meaning for me in so many of the things he said that I felt my throat close up a few times, and could only nod. Could there be something to this whole psychic thing? In the immortal words of Hammond: Who can say?

At home, Kim and Stan and I sat on the futon on the verandah at midnight with cigars, scotch and dark chocolate. It was heaven... it felt really, really good to be back home with the people I care about. Stan, who was on his fiftieth beer or so, said it was really good to see me, especially my hair. Kim agreed on the hair point. Apparently my new hair makes my mouth look hot... who knew? I like that I can see my upper back and neck now. This has always struck me as being an incredibly sexy place, both visually and sensually - kiss me there, bite me there, and I'm yours - it's also where I plan to get a tattoo.

Oh, and I finally decided on a tattoo design... it leaped into my head on the flight from Sydney to Melbourne, an idea complex but completely formed and I knew without a doubt it was the right thing. The best part of it is that in a way, it will change as I do... It's very narrative, a little technical, symbolic and meaningful, and very "me". When I've put together the full design in Illustrator I'll do a photo mockup of what it'll look like on me, and upload it here.

As for the hair, I know I promised photos, gimme a break. I've done nothing but sleep and marathon Boston Legal with Kim since I got back. And for all the awesome fun I had in Melbourne, I've been happier in the past 24 hours than I was down there. The point is, when I cease being comatose tomorrow, I'll find the photos and upload them.

In St Kilda, as I walked down the footpath in a black cotton slip dress that tied around the waist, a car went by and a dark-haired, dark-eyed boy leaned out the back window and called, "You're beautiful," and was swept away before I could think how to react.

This morning I put tinfoil on my bedroom window so I can sleep during the day.

Coffee night on Tuesday, and a little dinner party on Wednesday. I can't wait! There is a very tall German man staying at our place for a few days from Wednesday onwards; some of you may know him as [livejournal.com profile] aibo. He's full of cute observations about Australia that make me look at the place with fresh eyes.

I won't be going to New Zealand this year... I will get a nice fat refund for my tickets. Why go now, when I can barely afford it? Why go now, when there's no reason to run away from what I have here?

Choosing not to associate with Joey anymore was the right thing to do. I don't hate him. I just think we'll both breathe easier without the other around.

Currently I'm at work, and I'm dealing with tickets. Hooray, I'm capable of being slightly productive! They still haven't let me do anything more than observe the customer service chats. This is completely fine by me, I'm terrified of breaking something.

All my adult years have been either about career, or relationships, or both. 2008 is going to be an interesting change of pace. I think this year is going to be about friendship and about me. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love cigars and scotch in a way that is very inappropriate for someone of my gender, build, and social standing.
tania: (CD - Zakiya: I Hate Everything)
I've been so busy letting relationship crap weigh on my mind that over the past couple of months, I've let other problems go unaddressed, and they've built themselves up into monsters while my back was turned.

I feel as though I've been neglecting responsibilities, neglecting some aspects of myself, and treating friends badly (or at least not paying as much attention as I should).

So today I'm going to make a list of the problems I have to sort out - financial, practical, interpersonal - and the solutions for those issues. Any unnecessary stresses will be dropped to give me room to deal with the ones that can't be dropped.

I'm halfheartedly thinking I might have to cancel that New Zealand trip on a two-pronged financial basis: 1) I can't scrape together enough savings in time to be able to live while over there, let alone still cover my responsibilities back home with no incoming money for three weeks; and 2) due to other debts I would be better off staying here and working over Christmas. Three weeks of pay would help my situation a lot.

I hate being in debt. I wish I'd thought of this before I booked those tickets in the name of an escape. In my experience, when you use something as an escape you end up someplace worse than what you were escaping from.
tania: (Default)
I have short hair. It has streaks of red and gold. And I did not pay a CENT for it. So happy! :D

Viv and I played classy ladies today with a long session in the salon followed by cocktails. The free cuts & color came from a hair model offer - basically, we were practice for the staff but we got to choose the cuts we wanted and we both got spoiled rotten, so it's pretty much the sweetest deal ever.

Tonight: Roy is taking me to dinner at a Japanese place and then Viv is dragging me along to... something with lots of loud music, as far as I can gather. I'm doing pretty well... I have my moments, but they don't cut too deep and they pass quickly enough. :)

Photos tomorrow, I promise!
tania: (Cats - Sawyer: OMGYEY!)
I love Viv and Ruby and Roy and the Rooftop Bar and that other bar and I'm even quite partial to that other other bar! I have about a million photos, none of which I can upload 'til I get home to my trusty card reader. Also, somehow I spent last night surrounded by Queenslanders, despite being in another state. Over half the people I was introduced to were either down from QLD on holiday or moved down here from QLD within the last few years. The Brisbane Effect reaches far and wide.

I spent the night at Roy's and then we spent the morning watching Firefly and unwinding from the awesomeness of last night. Unwinding is very necessary, as we're going to do it all again tonight in an all-new set of bars.

I'm so tired, but it's a GOOD tired.

As for the other thing, I'm much better today. I didn't go out planning to talk about it (actually, I planned the opposite) but they dragged a little out of me, and today everything seems almost normal again. Mum said a clean break is healthier than multiple fractures... so many people have said the same thing in so many different ways that I feel stupid for having tortured myself this long, leaving myself open to be hurt over and over again. I would have had to have been superhuman to let go of my feelings for someone I was still friends with and still seeing all the time. Everyone was right... I've got to start taking care of myself.

I keep seeing presents for Joe and things Joe would like, and until yesterday it hadn't sunk in just how much I was doing that. I see more Joe-centric things than I see me-centric things. It's like I let my personality slide away into some dark recess to make room for his. No more... I've got to either find myself or, if that's impossible, rebuild, and I can't do that while always thinking about Joe and what he would like and what he wants and how to maintain a friendship.

I'm going to watch more Firefly and chill until tonight's festivities. :)

[EDIT] My favourite of the pro photos from Rachel's wedding:







I've jumped out of planes, achieved my life's dream of working for Disney, climbed mountains, watched eclipses, birthed kittens and chickens and lambs, aced tests, loved with everything in me and done everything I've ever really put my mind to. But Rach has experienced something here I never have - to love someone and be loved so completely in return, with a conviction so strong that both people stake their life on it - and I hope to experience that someday myself. In the meantime, it was a privelidge to watch.

Sydney

Nov. 23rd, 2007 02:40 pm
tania: (Cats: Jangles: Meow)
So here I am in Sydney... technically in Chatswood, really... awaiting Le Wedding. This computer is so old I strongly suspect that it might be steam-powered.

Stuff That's Happened:

- Vix has a twisted ankle from a couple days ago and the friendly folk at the airports have been providing her with wheelchairs when we're there; however she's been hoibbling everywhere else on crutches - so she and I have been pretty adventure-limited, more or less trapped in the motel. Doesn't worry me too much; I've seen Sydney and the point of being here is the WEDDING...

- ...which starts in a couple of hours. Rachel looks gorgeous and is excited and happy. I can't wait to see her in her dress. :)

- I appear to be heading into PMS territory, as everything is making me sad at the moment. Perhaps it's just all the wedding-related stuff around but I've had a mental set-back of a few weeks all of a sudden. Regrets, wishes, etc... all that useless stuff that achieves nothing and makes it harder to smile. I'll be right, though, and I wouldn't exchange being here and seeing my little Rach get married for anything. If Vix can do it with a buggered ankle, I can sure as heck do it with a buggered heart. ;)

- I'm flirting outrageously with people via SMS. It makes me feel better. :D

- The motel is crappy, but that adds to the adventure. Best of all, the people who run it are Greek and insane. <3

- They have SNAILS here! :D

- The election is tomorrow; I got my voting done at Town Hall before I left. It's looking pretty good for Kevin Rudd right now. Go Krudd! Also, I live in his electorate so life'll be pretty sweet for us Westenders if he gets in.

- I've been dared to flash my boobs at the Melbourne Hellfire Club. I'm not supsceptible to daring but I'm very open to bribery!

- Yesterday / the day before I went 27 hours without sleep. It was intense! That said, I really like working night shift, which is probably good because the roster tells me there's plenty of it in my future...

- I know Rach won't read this prior to the wedding because I just came from her hotel and they don't have the internet on there, so I feel safe in saying: My wedding pressie for her is a lovely thick tome about the ins and outs (heh) of sex. Stange wedding present but ideal for a good Christian girl. It was going to be the Kama Sutra but her sister beat me to the punch. Then it was going to be a vibrator but WHERE THE HELL DID CHATSWOOD PUT ALL IT'S ADULT SHOPS?? Oh well, the book option is somewhat safer if her family ends up opening the presents anyway.

- I've got so little money for Melbourne it's actually humiliating, so I'm not going to tell you how much (little). Let's just say that the first thing I do once I'm settled will be to buy some two-minute noodles so I can save what I have for transport and going out. Hopefully my cleavage will land me a few drink freebies (what? I'm a practical gal.)

Dear LJ-land, you and I shall talk again soon. GO KRUDDY!
tania: (AAAUGH!)
I have a place to stay in Melbourne with Marcus, a.k.a. the awesome guy who knows of Secret Bars and other such wonderful Melbourne things! He's going to take me to:

- an election count soirée Saturday night
- a pub-based folk festival on Sunday (with his kids and friends)
- a spoken word thing held by a friend on Sunday evening
- Hellfire club the following Friday with friends

In my own time I shall:

- Do as-yet-unplanned Fun Stuff with Ruby
- Ditto with Viv!
- Stop in at Coco Black and buy Joe a box of chocolates 'cos I'm a softie like that
- I dunno, ride trams and crap!

Hahaha, holy shit I need money.

STOP THE PRESSES. Right as I finished writing the above line I got a phone call and I now have a full-time job at Kim's work! I start Monday! And will apparently be trained by the esteemed Mr Kim himself! The badness of the fact that I'll have to echo his chaotic schedule of day shifts / grave shifts for that first week (and possibly again for a week or so when I get back from Melbourne) is outweighed by the fact that I'll be being trained by a guy who is already used to me being a smartass. WIN!

I has job. ^_^
tania: (Tania: Happy / Summer)
I have an iiiinterview tomorrow! :D Kim handed my resume to his boss this morning; his boss called me this afternoon. He seemed very interested on the phone and I'm proud of how smoothly I handled the subsequent conversation - my phone phobia vanishes completely when I'm put into a professional situation. Interview is set for 9:30am.

I'm excited! Now that Interrobang is set up and running merrily on it's little systems there's not been much for me to do around here, so having a different job will let me poke my head in on the biz one or two days per week, do the bookkeeping, bill paying and any incidental graphic design needed, and halve my own pay - that way, the business will be able to pay it's bills quicker, and I won't starve because I'll have another job paying mine!

This is assuming I don't screw up tomorrow of course, but if there's one thing I'm confident of, it's that I can make a good impression at a job interview. I've bloody well had enough practice.

SPEAKING OF INTERROBANG: We've marked all our prices way, way down. This came from a decision to sell at wholesale price to everyone, public included. Our profit margins have been severely sliced but considering the age of the market interested in our sort of designs, we've got to try to keep our prices low. Besides, our primary income is still from CAD and custom work, so we can afford to do this as an experiment.

http://www.interrobang.com.au - Hammond, Adders, Rose, et al - if you wanted to buy those pendants, now is the time. We have multiples of each in stock right now. :) You don't have to put your order through the website; given that you're all locals, dropping by and paying cash is the best option for everyone.

Other good things: I have been losing weight... but not out of depression, just out of eating well. I somehow managed to continue the weight loss even after being given a large box of Fererro Rocher chocolates. I will tell you this: one of my greatest diet secrets is the ability to share my snacks with others.

I feel happy and hopeful for the future again, for reals. I know there will still be moments when I'm sad, but it's at an acceptable level now and I feel like I'm really heading somewhere. It's not where I thought I'd be going, but I think maybe this journey will turn out to be even better than the one I left behind.

It has been seven and a half weeks since Joe and I broke up, and only for the last two and a half of those was it official. I believe I can safely say I'm more mentally stable than I gave myself credit for... I didn't expect to start feeling this much better this quickly. With that small hike in confidence, my standards over what makes a good partner and what makes a good lifestyle have both stepped up a notch. (No offense, Joey, when you finally get back from Toowoomba and read this! You know I think you're awesome, I'm referring only to compatibility levels here.)

My sex drive has kicked back in... so yeah, that's pretty inconvenient, but the absence had begun to worry me, so overall I'm happy!

On Sunday I'm going fishing with my doctor friend. He told me to choose the date and given that we'd had a conversation about fishing and how awful I've been at it in the past, and that he claimed he could have me reeling in a fish in a single session with him, my curiosity was piqued. And I do love being up on the Coast, on and around the water. So I mentioned the hire boats on Maroochy river to him, and BAM! Just like that, he hired one for Sunday. He is also going to organise all meals and even offered to pick me up FROM BRISBANE, which is an hour drive each way, and which I refused. I shall take a train to the coast. Nobody tries to spoil ME rotten and gets away with it...

He will probably turn out to be the Ice Truck Killer (in-joke for 'Dexter' fans there.)

Joe and I are SMSing one another a few times a day, friendly-like. We still have our moments of AARGH, which is to be expected, but they are less frequent and always signify progress. All in all we're doing great. We hope to return to the best-friends dealie we used to have, and hopefully it will be an even better friendship this time around, what with us getting over all that Unresolved Sexual Tension crap. ;)

I got my passport in the mail yesterday. I HAVE A PASSPORT. Immediately checked out prices to Vanuatu (SO freaking cheap if booked ahead) and information on seven-day hiking tours to active volcanoes on the islands, but sternly reminded myself that I already have a great deal of travel planned and should not overshoot my bounds.

The final, and best, thing that happened today: walking home from the supermarket in West End, I passed a man carrying groceries with his large brown dog walking by his side... carrying a bag of groceries in it's mouth. It wasn't on a leash or anything, just moseying along beside this guy WITH A BAG OF GROCERIES. I almost wept for joy and in frustration at not having a camera handy. Hammond, you're absolutely right, I need to get a new phone. I'd get one for myself as a Christmas present (from me, to me!) but all my Xmas money this year is going towards New Zealand. I'll think of something though! I shall have my camera phone and then none of you will be spared the bizarre sights I'm confronted with on a weekly basis!

That reminds me: my doctor friend arrived in West End early to pick me up the other night, and rather than come and hang around in front of my house, he wandered around West End and checked the area out. Now, he has only recently moved to Australia and doesn't know Brisbane at all. Nobody warned him about West End, a.k.a. "The Hippie Precinct". Nevertheless, when he came across a women in dreadlocks and a hippie skirt standing in the middle of the footpath, arms in the air as she sang and spoke to the sky, he learned all he will ever need to know.
tania: (Futurama: Professor: Scheming)
Just now have I recalled that in the heights of tipsiness at the Vaudeville party the other night, the fiend ([livejournal.com profile] turner23) and I had a conversation about Avenue Q and Wicked, both Broadway shows I want to see.

AMERICANS ON MY TRAVEL ROSTER PLEASE NOTE: I am not leaving your country without attending a performance of BOTH of these shows.

It also occurred to me today that because my Facebook page shows only snippets of my life and conversations, it makes me look like a very strange person indeed.

It looks like my new friend and I might be going fishing up on the Sunshine Coast this weekend. I told him I've never caught a decent-sized fish in my life. He's bet me I will absolutely and for certain catch a fish if I go fishing with him. Will his fishing prowess beat my innate fishing lameness? Who can say?

"Who can say?" is something Hammond inserts onto the end of short rambles now and then, and I can't get it out of my head. :D

Adders, Diz, myself and possibly others will be having a Californication marathon, possibly on a Friday night, possibly soon.

Garage sale this Saturday, my place! I'm selling heaps of stuff SERIOUSLY cheap, the idea being to clear out space rather than make money.

"Defenestrate" is both my new favourite word and my new favourite threat. Look it up. I've been using it at least three times a day since I found it.

This may be the first genuinely happy entry I've written in a month. You can tell by all the random, disconnected sentences.

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Tania Walker

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